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Saturday 12 July 2014

Ramadan Parenting Challenge Day 15: Teach Your Children How To Forgive

Ramadan Parenting Challenge 2014
To have mercy is to have compassion or forgiveness towards someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm. And Allah is the most merciful of all: O My servants who have transgressed against their souls! Do not despair of the Mercy of Allah for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (Qur’an 39:53)

Prophet Muhammad (s) who was merciful, as he was sent as a mercy for everyone (Qur’an 21:107), has told us to be merciful, “He who does not show mercy to others, will not be shown mercy." (Bukhari)

The most powerful incidence that demonstrated the Prophet’s mercy was what happened at Taif. He (s) went to tell the people of Taif about Allah but they insulted him and threw stones. Not only was he hurt physically but emotionally as well. Allah then gave him the choice of retaliation by destroying the People of Taif but the Prophet (s) chose not to. It was within his power to destroy them but instead he forgave and continued to invite them to Islam until they accepted.

Most people who have been abused mentally and physically would have instantly taken revenge. Allah says: And verily, whosoever shows patience and forgives, that would truly be from the things recommended by Allah.  (Qur’an 42:43)

Whether others apologise or not you need to be forgiving. Take Prophet Muhammad (s) as an example. Be forgiving. So when your children do something wrong, forgive them and teach them. Communicate to them what they did (the wrong behaviour), why it was wrong and hurtful (the effect it has on you or others) and what they should do instead (correct behaviour). Notice that this is the same format as when asking for forgiveness. It focuses on behaviours and empathy not on blame and name-calling.

Teach children to be forgiving as well and not hold a grudge. Teach them first to communicate their upsets by saying, “When you (wrong behaviour), I feel/it made me (how it affects the child). Next time, could you please (correct behaviour) instead.” Next, have them release the anger. Remind them that Allah says:and when they are angry, forgive. (Qur’an 42:37) Teach them to repeat the mantra “When I am angry, I forgive.”
Challenge for today is to:
  1. Be forgiving. Communicate your upsets.
  2. Teach your children to be forgiving. Teach them to communicate their upsets.
Do these and continue to do them throughout Ramadan.

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