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Friday, 25 July 2014

Ramadan Parenting Challenge Day 25: Be Patient

Ramadan Parenting Challenge 2014
O you who believe! Seek help in patience and the prayer. Truly! Allah is with the patient. (Qur’an 2:153)

Allah tells us to be patient. Even Luqman, who was given wisdom by Allah, gave the same advice to his son: “O my son! Perform prayer, enjoin (on people) Al-Ma'ruf - (Islamic Monotheism and all that is good), and forbid (people) from Al-Munkar (i.e. disbelief in the Oneness of Allah, polytheism of all kinds and all that is evil and bad), and bear with patience whatever befalls you. Verily, these are some of the important commandments.” (Qur’an 31:17)
If you bear with patience the hardships that Allah has given you then the reward is immense when Allah removes that hardship. Prophet Ayyoub was well-known for his patience. Allah tested him with calamity after calamity but he remained patient. Allah rewarded his patience by replacing all the things that he had lost with things that were far better than what he had.

Children are often a trial for parents. Allah says: And know that your possessions and your children are but a trial and that surely with Allah is a mighty reward. (Qur’an 8:28) So when your children are testing your limits remember to be patient. Your first reaction should be to say “Alhamdulillah”, take a deep breath and stay calm.

Narrated Anas: The Prophet (s) said, "The real patience is at the first stroke of a calamity." (Bukhari 23:389) When you are hit with a trial you must immediately accept it and say “Alhamdulillah” rather than saying and thinking “Oh why did this happen to me?” and start complaining then after complaining you decide to be patient. This is not patience. Patience should be your first reaction.

Patience should also be shown when children do something wrong. Narrated Anas: I served the Prophet for ten years, and he never said to me, "Uf" (a minor harsh word denoting impatience) and never blamed me by saying, "Why did you do so or why didn't you do so?"  (Bukhari 73:64)

What is the first reaction when children do something wrong? Most parents become impatient and start to criticize. This will only model to children how to become impatient and lowers their self-esteem. But you don’t want this. Instead, you would want to model patience and understanding. So when your child makes a mistake, take a calming breath and give feedback on what good performance looks like: “I see that you did this. This is how to do it…”

Challenge for today is to:
  1. Be patient towards your children. Understand that they are learning,
  2. Model patience and say “Alhamdulillah” for whatever comes your way and remain calm.
  3. Give feedback not criticize.

Do these and continue to do them for the remaining days of Ramadan.

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