Do Not Lie to Your Children

O you who believe! Be afraid of Allah, 

and be with those who are true (in word and deeds). 

(Qur'an, At-Tawbah 9:119)

Lying is another disease of the heart. It does not have to be an outright falsehood for it to be considered a lie. It could be pretending to give something when there is no intention to give. Abdallah ibn Amir (r) said, "One day, the Messenger of Allah (s) came to my house when I was a child. I went to play and my mother called me saying, "O Abdallah, come so that I can give you something," The Prophet (s) asked, "What did you intend to give him?" She said that she wanted to give me some dates.  He (s) said, "If you did not, then a lie would be written against you." (Abu Da'ud)

As parents we need to be careful that we do not commit this sort of lie - to pretend to give our children something to get them to do what we want then when they do it we don't give it to them. How many times have we seen parents holding a lolly in front of a young child and say, "Come here, I will give you this" but when the child comes the lolly is hidden away as the parent grabs the child? Imagine the child's feelings when s/he searches for the lolly but it is no where to be seen.

Children have a good memory for things that are promised to them. They do not forget so easily. For example, I promised to give my son a Kinder Surprise chocolate egg for doing something (I can't remember what it was) but when he did it I realised that I didn't have any Kinder Surprise left so I told him that the next time I go shopping I would get it for him. But, subhanallah, every time I went shopping I always forgot to buy it. Then one day he said to me, "Mum, you promised to give me a Kinder Surprise but you never did." May Allah forgive me. When he said that I felt like someone had gutted me. I cannot describe how bad I felt. I made a mental note to go shopping the next day to get the Kinder Surprise for him (and I finally did, alhamdulillah). Had I not finally given it to him, my son would have thought that I had lied to him and I know that would have lowered his respect and esteem for me.

This example was to illustrate that children do not forget any promises made to them. Although that incident happened weeks before, my son remembered. I had fully intended to give him what was promised to him but can you imagine what it would be like if I had not intended to give him what was promised? The result would have affected my relationship with my son and my relationship with Allah. For surely, Allah would have written me as a liar: Once, after the death of the Prophet (s), Abu Bakr (r) gave a khutbah. He said, "The Messenger of Allah stood in this very place in the first year and then he cried and he said, "Indeed lying leads to inequity and indeed inequity leads to the Fire. A man will lie until he is written as a liar with Allah." (Agreed Upon)

So take care to fulfill our promises.

Teaching Children Humility

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Narrated Haritha bin Wahb: I heard the Prophet saying, "Shall I tell you of the people of Paradise? They comprise every poor humble person, and if he swears by Allah to do something, Allah will fulfill it; while the people of the fire comprise every violent, cruel arrogant person."  (Al Bukhari, Book #78, Hadith #651)

Humility and arrogance are the polar opposites of each other. Let me illustrate with this story: At one year, we had 2 new young teachers fresh out of uni. One was eager, enthusiastic and listened to whatever advice was given her on how to improve her teaching. She always asked. The other was eager as well but whenever was advised on ways to improve she would argue why her way was better or blamed someone or something. She always demanded and never asked. You could guess which one got on better with the rest of the staff and which one was most difficult and which people avoided.

The difference between humility and arrogance is the difference between asking and demanding. A lot of children these days always demand but rarely ask. They think that it is their God-given right. Where is the humility in asking? I say this from my teaching experience. It's always "I want this." or "Give me that!" I have to teach them to ask politely. Does your children ask or demand things of you?

This is the best advice for teaching children humility at this post.

Becoming a Productive Learner

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Wrote this article for Productive Muslim but guess they don't want to use it so here it is:

This article addresses students, parents and teachers on how to be, or help children/students to be, productive in learning. A productive learner is a successful one. He is one who gains the most out of his learning and, rather than let it sit passively in his brain, he actively uses it.

There are six important steps to becoming a productive learner:

1.      Start the day/lesson with “Bismillah” and dua

Muslims always begin anything with “Bismillah”. This is the intention to learn for Allah. Teach and remind yourself, your child or students to say this before any lessons. Then seek Allah’s guidance with the dua “Robbi zidnii ilma” - O my Lord, increase me in knowledge (Qur’an, 20: 114).

2.      Partake a healthy diet

The right breakfast will provide the energy needed to learn. However, the wrong type of snack can provide too much stimulant and a heavy greasy lunch can make the learner lethargic. Start the day right by not missing breakfast but instead, eat a healthy one. Do the same with lunch. In between meals also require something healthy. This does not include greasy snacks and sugary snacks with or without artificial flavourings and colourings such as chips and lollies. Children who consume lollies, cakes and fizzy drinks at recess and lunch are usually the ones who are unsettled during class time.

3.      Fit in some physical activity

After a lengthy sedentary period, our body becomes numb and so does our mind. This is often why people get up to stretch their legs and why students become restless in class. A brief intermission with a physical activity can help to refocus the mind. In fact, physical activity has been linked with brain functioning and learning readiness. A short physical activity could be a few stretches and a walk around the room. For young children, they could pretend to be a seed growing into a flower, a plant blowing in the wind, a balloon floating in the air or different kinds of animals.

4.      Discuss what is learnt

The learner needs to share with others as this will lead to a discussion of what is learnt. Discussions can lead to a clarification of ideas or any misunderstandings. Mature students can share and discuss with their spouse. For younger students, however, it is the parent’s job to draw their children into a discussion since children do not usually volunteer information by themselves. Begin by having conversations and asking about their day – what they did at school, what they were engaged in or what they have learnt. Then specifically discuss the principles to ‘test’ for understanding. This questioning should in no way resemble an interrogation but rather a parent’s genuine interest in their child’s learning. For teachers, a few minutes at the end of the day to discuss with students what they have learnt during the day can help to clarify students’ thinking.

5.      Apply what is learnt

Sometimes it may be daunting to practice everything that is learnt at once. We need to make it more productive by taking small steps. We do this by prioritizing goals. For example, after attending a lecture on purification of the heart, I might choose to practice controlling my anger before I concentrate on my pride or attaining love not enmity for fellow Muslims. Once this is practiced at an acceptable level (since it is difficult to achieve a high level I would still need to work at it) I can begin to apply one of the other things I have learnt.

An example of young children putting into practice what they have learnt is reading and writing both Qur’an/Arabic and English. Once they have learnt this, they need to practice reading and writing at home every day. Some parents assume that it is enough to have children read and write at school or the madrassah so they do not provide any practice at home.

Teaching others is another way of applying knowledge. Once a proficiency of the knowledge is achieved we can then teach it to others. This will not only benefit ourselves as teaching others can consolidate learning but it will also benefit the community.

6.      Make dua

We ultimately rely on Allah so we make dua for Allah’s help as students, parents and teachers. It is not through our own intelligence alone that as students we learn or through our own masterful teaching alone that our students learn. It is by Allah’s leave that any learning takes place. Therefore, students make dua for yourselves, parents make dua for your children (for Allah especially answers the prayer of the parent) and teachers make dua for your students.

Family Game Time

How often does your family spend time to do something together? I don't mean go on holidays because that doesn't happen often enough. I'm talking about an allotted time on a weekly basis for your immediate family to have quality time to bond and strengthen familial ties.

Too often it is the case that our lifestyles are so busy that each family member does their own thing, separated and disconnected from each other. There needs to be something that can draw the family back together to a moment in time for the simple pleasure of enjoying each other's company.

The answer is the Family Game Time (FGT). Bring out the board games, boxed games or pen and paper games. It doesn't have to be a long time spent playing - it just needs to be constant. It could be anything from 10 minutes to half an hour, or even an hour. It is flexible, depending on the game chosen. Have a system where different members decide which game to play each week. Or you could have a vote system to decide the game. The crucial point to FGT is that all members have to be present and actively playing. If one member slacks off one week then there will be a domino effect and soon there won't be anyone playing. Be strict with this rule. The second thing to remember is to have fun and enjoy the company.

Children actually look forward to this time. It becomes a special time for them. They will wish it was more often played but stick to it once a week so that it becomes a special time and doesn't become a burden for the rest of the family whose time is limited. I will end here with an old saying to reflect upon: The family that plays together, stays together.

Have fun!

Vincent Van Gogh Art to Teach Hot and Cold Colours

Kindergartners' versions of 'Sunflowers' by Van Gogh using only hot (warm) colours

Kindergartners' versions of 'Starry Night' by Van Gogh using cold (cool) colours

In kindergarten we did a unit of work on 'Hot and Cold'. We covered it in Science, HSIE (human society and its environment), in English, Maths and Art.

For art, I taught the children the concept of hot and cold colours (It's actually warm and cool colours but I refered to them as hot and cold to tie in with the unit). Two of the art that they did were paintings based on Van Gogh's 'Sunflowers' and 'Starry Night'. For each lesson, they studied the colours used for each of his paintings. I then adapted these lessons for hot colours and for cold colours - only using hot colours for the vase of flowers and cold colours for the night scene.

When they had finished both paintings, we compared the two. Masha Allah, they could see the difference between them. They said that they felt happy and warm looking at the vase of flowers but cold yet calm looking at the night scene. Alhamdulillah, this was the objective of the lessons.

'Warm' Paintings

Using the Senses to Memorise and Learn

Does your child have difficulties in memorising things? For younger children it could be for remembering letters, numbers, words, colours or shapes. For older children perhaps it is for his or her exams. Whatever the reason, one way to help with memorisation is to use the senses. However, regardless of whether your child has a preferred mode of learning, the more senses you use then the more pathways to recall that the child has. For example, your child could be a visual learner and can recall images easily but if you have taught him in all modes then when the child hears a word or sense a movement this can quickly trigger the image associated with the sound or action.

Below are ways to help your child use his/her senses to help him/her memorise and learn:

1.       Using the visual sense: For this method your child would need to see the word, object or whatever it is he is learning. This is why many teachers use flashcards and charts for letters or words with associated pictures. Better yet, present the object in front of the child so that he can have a 3 dimensional visual. For older children other visual aids such as diagrams and mindmaps would help to memorise things.

However, just seeing these things is not enough. The child would need to commit these images into his memory by creating visual imagery and practice recalling them. For example, if the child is learning to memorise the sight word ‘see’ then show him the word ‘see’ and let him close his eyes and picture the word ‘see’ and a pair of eyes. You could even write the word ‘see’ with a drawing of a pair of eyes and let the child memorise this. Now test your child’s recall by asking him to close his eyes and try to picture the word and image for ‘see’ in his mind then ask him to spell it or write it. The other way to test is to show the flashcard word and ask your child to read it.

Visual imagery can be used to remember anything – to remember to call your mum just picture your mum’s face and a mobile phone and the next time you see a mobile phone insha Allah your mum’s face should pop up. To remember your new spouse’s favourite meal just picture his favourite meal on his shoulder and every time you see his shoulder the image of the meal should appear. Imagery is powerful and the ways to use it is almost limitless.

2.       Using the auditory sense: For this method your child would need to hear it said out loud from you as well as say it out loud himself. Not only can your child say it but he can also rhyme it, rap it or sing it. Using the example for the visual from above, to teach your child to spell and read the word ‘see’ you could make up a rhyme or song. For example, I actually use the ‘see’ song from ’25 Super Sight Word Songs and Mini Books’ by Joan Mancini: S-e-e, s-e-e, I can spell see, I can spell see, I see my friends sitting next to me, I see my teacher smiling at me, I see the letters ABC, s-e-e, s-e-e. This song is sung to the tune of ‘Three Blind Mice’. Subhanallah, my kindergartners remember this song long after we have finished singing it and can all spell it. There are many learning songs that I have taught children and I am constantly amazed by their recall.

Older children would love to make their own rhymes and raps. Or simply, let them find a quiet place to read out loud what it is they are trying to learn so that they can hear the words.

3.       Using the kinaesthetic sense: For this method your child would need to feel it, touch it and move with it. For example, when presenting a 3 dimensional object as a visual let the child touch it and feel it. Writing it is both a visual and a movement. Don’t just talk to the child, let him do something. For the above ‘see’ example, every time they read and say the word, they also point to their eyes to indicate seeing or what my kindergartners like to do is to put their hand above their eyes and move the arm out. They just like this movement and associate it with seeing.

Older children can take notes or summarise in writing. They could also act it out or go through ‘doing’ the set of procedures, instructions or experiments.

Now let me demonstrate how I use all of children’s senses in teaching the letter k and its’ sound to my prekindies:

Visual: I use charts and flashcards so that the children will see the shape of the letter as well as the picture associated with the beginning sound. I write the letter on the board so that they can see how it is formed. They draw pictures of things that start with the sound k especially a kangaroo (I show them how to do a simple one).

Audio: I say it, the children say it. We sing the phonic song for the letter (for example, see ‘Jolly Phonics’). We would also sing a kangaroo song that has movement to it.

Kinaesthetic: If the picture was a kangaroo then we’d jump like a kangaroo. I draw a big k on the ground with chalk and children jump like a kangaroo along the letter. The children air write, they trace and write the letter in their books and they make k with playdough. They also make a kangaroo craft with a k on it.

Smell and taste: If it was the letter p then we would make popcorn and eat it! This is an added bonus as the sense of smell and taste are also used.

A Cheerful Face

Narrated Abu Ishaq: Al-Bara' was asked, "Was the face of the Prophet (as bright) as a sword?" He said, "No, but (as bright) as a moon."  (al-Bukhari, Book #56, Hadith #752) In other words, Prophet Muhammad (s) had a friendly face and not a sharp and harsh one.

How does one have a bright and happy face? It is by simply smiling and not frowning. It is too often these days that a Muslim’s face is associated with a frown. It is no wonder that we are portrayed in the media as aggressive and cantankerous. Even when we are preached to we hear harsh words and see frowns on the speaker’s face. Where are the gentleness and smiling faces that encourage us to goodness?

As humans we respond to such gentleness and smiling countenance much better than to a frown and negativity. Parents are often told to praise the child in the act of doing something good rather than focussing negative attention on the child when he does something bad. We are even encouraged to have a cheerful face for our fellow Muslims. Abu Dharr reported: The Prophet (s) said to me, “Do not belittle any good deed, even your meeting your brother with a cheerful face.” (Muslim) Indeed, having a cheerful face is a quality that all Muslims should have.

To this end I have written some activities for children in different age groups. For example,

0-2 years - Imitation

Babies are good at imitation so smile at your babies often. Look into those adorable eyes and greet him/her with a smiling happy face.

To read more, please download the program.

Allah's Signs in Nature and Making Time for the Family

 

Alhmadulillah, we just got back from a holiday at Caves Beach and Newcastle, New South Wales. The landscape was breathtaking, masha Allah. When one looks at it one can see the magnificence of Allah.

The weekend before I attended a talk by Sheikh Abdal Hakim Murad (Professor Timothy Winter) and he talked about how everything in the universe is a sign. It is Allah's Mercy to guide us back to Him. The person who is in the state of disbelief cannot see these as signs because he is blinded by the surface beauty of the thing but forgets the source of it. He is out of touch and preoccupied with the veneer of things. He is like a person who has a book but does not read the words but looks only at the letters. He wonders at the individual shapes of the letters but does not read the complete words to understand the meaning.

I have provided some pictures for you to wonder at the source of great beauty:

Spending time together on an annual family holiday is extremely beneficial.

1. It teaches children to wonder at Allah's creations. Young children have a natural tendency to wonder at nature. When you go away to places of nature, you surround them with the beauty of Allah's creation and keep this curiosity alive. Always point out that Allah is the Creator of these wonders so that they do not forget and become blinded by the thing itself and not the Source.

2. It brings the family together. We usually have little holidays for the immediate family but we also have an annual one that all the relatives attend - parents, cousins, aunts, uncles and in-laws. This is the quality time you get to spend with the family and it strengthens the family bond, insha Allah.

My children and their cousins look forward to this time together every year. It is a time to catch up and strengthen the ties of kinship that is so important in Islam.

I remember when I was young and eager to go on the annual family holidays. I remember cousins, aunts, uncles gathering together. It was a special time and alhamdulillah I was blessed with it. In turn, my children's generation are benefiting as well insha Allah.

If you haven't been on an annual family holiday, start thinking about one now...

Pets update

For those curious, here are a few photos of the pets growing up. A great way to teach children the cycle of life, subhanallah!

The baby chick had grown (at about 2 months)

We had 5 more new chicks

Compare the old chick at 2 months and the 2 new chicks under the mama hen

Baby guinea pigs

Read the blog entry on the benefits of keeping pets for children here.