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Monday, 5 December 2011

Do not discipline while angry

 
On the weekend I attended the 'Heart Therapy' course (see above picture). One of the diseases of the heart is anger. Everyone feels anger but it is the excessive anger and what we do while in the state of anger that is the danger.

As parents we come across feelings of anger when our children do not listen to us or misbehaves. What is our immediate reaction to our children's disobedience? Do we strike them? Do we yell and scream at them? Do we punish them? Do we ground them? These are probably the most common reactions. However, the scholars have advised us not to discipline a child when we are in a state of anger. Let the anger pass before we act or make a decision. We need to learn to be strong and control ourselves. Prophet Muhammad (s), as recorded in al-Bukhari, had said, "The strong person is not he who overcomes others with his strength, rather it is him who controls himself in the face of anger."

How do we control our anger? Below is taken from the notes of the course:

Anger Management:
  1. Remember Allah.
  2. Become acquainted with the virtues of forgiveness, forbearance, endurance and restraining anger within ourselves.
  3. Fearing Allah's punishment for what we do in anger.
  4. Be wary of feelings of enmity and revenge.
  5. Reflecting on the outward manifestation of anger and its ugly nature.
  6. Seeking refuge with Allah.
  7. Changing our physical state (if standing then sit, if sitting then lie down).
  8. Increasing invocations and supplications to Allah to help us.

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